The other night I was doing what every exhausted mom-therapist does after the kids are (finally) asleep: scrolling. And then a reel about EMDR stopped me mid-thumb.
Watching it, I wasn't thinking about technique or protocols. I was thinking about how much of an honour it is to sit with someone in that space. The space where one foot is gently touching something painful, and the other is planted right here, in the room, safe, with someone beside them.
In EMDR we call that dual awareness. From the therapist's chair, it feels a lot like holding a lantern while someone walks through a hallway they've been avoiding for years. I don't walk it for them. I just make sure the light stays on.
You're not reliving every memory
This is the biggest myth I hear: "If I do EMDR, I'll have to go back through all of it."
You don't. EMDR isn't about retelling your story in detail, scene by scene. Sometimes there aren't even words. What comes up might be a tightness in your chest, a wave of sadness, a flash of colour, or a feeling you can't name yet. All of that is welcome. Your brain doesn't need a perfectly worded narrative to do its work.
And here's something I wish everyone knew going in: there's no wrong way to do EMDR. If your mind wanders to your grocery list, that's okay. If nothing seems to happen, that's information too. If you suddenly think about something from Grade 3 that seems totally unrelated, your brain is usually making connections we'll understand later.
Why your therapist gets quieter
If you've done other kinds of therapy, EMDR can feel different because I talk less. That's on purpose.
During processing, my job is to stay out of the way of the work your brain is already doing. I'll check in briefly between sets, often with something as simple as "What are you noticing?" or "Go with that." It can feel strange at first. But the less I steer, the more room your own healing system has to move.
Clearing the messy papers
I often describe unprocessed memories like a pile of messy papers blocking a doorway. Every time life brushes past (a smell, a song, a certain tone of voice), the papers scatter and you're suddenly back in it. That's what makes stuck memories feel so triggering, activating, or charged, whatever word fits for you.
EMDR helps clear the roadblock and file those papers where they belong. The memory isn't erased. You'll still remember what happened. What tends to change is the activation, that full-body "it's happening again" alarm. Many people describe it as the memory finally feeling like the past.
Yes, it can feel a bit strange
Following a light across a screen while thinking about something hard? Holding buzzers that pulse in your hands? Tapping your own shoulders? I get it. It can feel a little odd. That's okay. We go at your pace, we practise first, and we find what works for you.
EMDR for ADHD and neurodivergent brains
This is the part that makes my ADHD-therapist heart happy: EMDR is incredibly adaptable. There's no one-size-fits-all version, and neurodivergent brains deserve care that fits them, not the other way around.
Together, we can adjust things like:
How you get bilateral stimulation. Eye movements, hand-held buzzers, tapping, alternating tones, or even marching or stepping side to side.
Movement and fidgets. Tangible, physical tools that help a busy brain stay present instead of fighting to sit still.
Pacing. Shorter sets, more breaks, and visual check-ins when words feel hard to find.
Structure. Clear explanations of what's next, so your brain isn't spending energy guessing.
If you've ever felt like therapy wasn't built for your brain, I want you to know there's room here to make it yours.
If this resonates
You don't need to be sure EMDR is right for you to ask about it. A free consultation is a low-pressure way to talk it through and see if it feels like a fit. Check out our Resource for EMDR on the Resources Page, or our Instagram for more on this blog.
Book at thedandelionspace.janeapp.com, or email info@thedandelionspace.ca. We reply within one business day.
In Kindness, Victoria
Victoria Gray, RSW, MSW, is a registered social worker providing psychotherapy and counselling. She has completed EMDR training and is working toward certification.
This post is for general information and isn't a substitute for individualized clinical advice. The Dandelion Space is not a crisis service. If you need urgent support, call 911, call or text 988, or go to your nearest emergency department.